I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
