someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
