you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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