The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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