Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
