I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
