i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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