Already got asked if we're dating
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
operation have a gay friend backfired
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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