Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
