he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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