Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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