I feel like I'm in dance class right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
