I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
