Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
