You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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