Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
