my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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