I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
