I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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