She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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