I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
