i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Be still, my beating vagina.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
