I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He has the fingertips of a God
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