also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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