he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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