I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
