i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
