She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
