I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
