hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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