note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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