census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
