I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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