I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am naked and annoyed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
