i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
