so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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