Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
