and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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