You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
