You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
