you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
