i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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