i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
