Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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