dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
