The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
