Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
me + whiskey = a bad person
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
