Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
