i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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