Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
