This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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