i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
