i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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