would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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