sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
