Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
