also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
