Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i love accidental penises.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
