i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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