shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
