pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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