Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
