So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
