I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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