dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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