literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
