Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize