GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
