doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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