My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
