he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
