I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
