I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
