So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
