I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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