I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
