he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
