Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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