i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
