I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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