ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
