i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
