I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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