I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
