im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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