It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
