I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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