I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
