I heard we made out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
