I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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